Day of the Dead: Bloodline

Well, common Google searches, let me tell you! Remember the 1985 movie Day of the Dead by George Romero? That was good movie, wasn’t it. A classic. And you know what we like to do to classics – ruin them with repeated remakes!

Which I guess is technically what Day of the Dead: Bloodline is, despite what the presence of a subtitle implies, and despite the fact that the only character present in both films is (sort of) Miguel Salazar, (unless you count Lady Scientist as a specific character, which I kinda suspect they do). And also despite the fact that the entire plot has virtually nothing in common with the original movie apart from the general setting of “military base.” Tldr, go watch a Romero movie and then don’t watch this. I don’t even want to write about it, but I do very much enjoy a good Complain, so.

I shall now list all the things I hate about this movie.

The first thing I hate about this movie is that Lady Scientist already has her bra showing in the very first scene. Calm your literal tiddies, Bloodline. You haven’t earned the right to throw bras around yet.

The second thing I hate about this movie is that they absolutely had to have Lady Scientist be sexually assaulted by a patient. The patient himself becomes important later on (assuming you give a single shit about what is happening in this movie, which is a pretty thin assumption) but there is exactly zero reason to have this dude try to rape her in a morgue. I am tired, Horror Movies. I would love for you to try harder than to use rape as a shorthand for “this is guy sucks.” This becomes even grosser when the rapey dude becomes the only zombo with some human awareness and function meaning that his would-be victim then has to *advocate for his safety* (in order to use him to do science, but still) and *convince her boyfriend that she doesn’t actually like this rapey bastard who is also a zombie*. Y’ALL. NO ONE WANTS THIS. A better way to accomplish what I assume they were going for would be to have the patient just be a regular boy, which would make his violent turn to zombodom and the relationship between him and Lady Scientist interesting instead of traumatic for the sake of trauma. You know, like…in Day of the Dead. Or do this I guess, I don’t care anymore, I am already tired of this movie.

The third thing I hate about this movie is that we’re not just calling them zombies, we have to call them “rotters.” Guys. You have set the movie in this universe. The concept of zombies already exists. We call basically anyone slow or distracted or dumb a zombie already. Just call them zombies and save the creativity for, I dunno, the plot maybe? I fucking hate this, I don’t even like zombie movies, this hour and a half felt so long.

The fourth thing I hate about this movie is that all establishing or development of characters is rushed to get to the action, which is also rushed. Like….what is the point of this whole thing if it isn’t the story OR the gory zombie fights? We’re just running headlong through a bunch of bullshit to get to the end of the bullshit. Which I do sort of appreciate, because I would very much like to get to the end of the bullshit. But even better would be to not have bullshit in the first place.

The fifth thing I hate about this movie is that only one guy has important blood, which does not a bloodline make. Should have been called Day of the Dead: One Guy’s Special Blood.

The sixth thing I hate about this movie is that it’s on Netflix and actual Day of the Dead isn’t.


I am done, just go watch Train to Busan again, we officially don’t need any more zombie movies.

See now THESE are the REAL ZOMBIES hahaha minion emoji
Day of the Dead: Bloodline

Darna Mana Hai

Here we go, number 17 of my 31 for uhhhhh 365 if I’m being honest, and it only took me…five months to revisit! At this rate I’ll be able to just wrap this 31 for 31 into the next Halloween season and it will NEVER NOT BE HALLOWEEN, HURRAY.

Anyway, Darna Mana Hai is an Indian anthology horror film from 2003, and as you all know I LOVE an anthology. I love an anthology for two reasons: one, because it is far easier to make a good horror story last for ten minutes than it is to make one last for ninety minutes, which means anthologies are on the whole more likely to be good than the average feature length horror movie; and two, because it is far easier to watch something terrible for ten minutes than for ninety minutes. These will both be tested in my viewing of Darna Mana Hai.

Darna Mana Hai (which roughly translates to “Fear is Forbidden,” thanks to my friend Manoj for translating what I was too lazy to google) (and it is definitely extremely easy to google) is about a group of Cool Teens who get lost in the woods when their car breaks down and who wander into the forest (????), find an abandoned house, and tell scary stories around a bonfire. After each story (read: anthology short) one Cool Teen at a time decides to walk back to the car (?!?!?!?!) and gets disappeared by a Mysterious Killer until only a couple teens are left. Then they all die the end.

Fortunately for this movie, most of the shorts are marginally better than the cliche and underwhelming wraparound story. Unfortunately for me, this is not true for all of the shorts. Example: the short film Apples is about a guy who sells apples and everyone who eats one of his apples turns into an apple. That’s it. That’s the story. I know my intense fear of saying something mildly awkward at a social gathering wouldn’t make for a great movie either, but is this something people are afraid of? Being an apple sounds pretty chill. Especially if everyone else who might eat an apple is now also an apple.

But I wouldn’t worry about this one too much as it has already been pulled from Netflix in the time it has taken me to write this review, so you won’t even have the option of wasting your time with it. Plus I already spoiled the Apples story for you, so what’s the point.


But that’s okay, at least now I get to move on to the next one, maybe that one will be AW JEEZ

The link won’t even load, that’s how rotten this tomato is.

Darna Mana Hai

Dark Skies

THANK GOD now that I can stop thinking about the inevitable end of the world for like a second I can get back to my special edition extended 31 for 90-ish (or however long it takes). And luckily the next movie on the list is one of my favorites, which helps because I am SO TIRED THIS WEEK, GUYS.

I watched Dark Skies for the first time several years ago for this project, and it’s stuck with me ever since. If you like alien abduction horror, this is a pretty great example of the genre and, for the first time basically ever, the kids are actually the best part.

Dark Skies is about a painfully white suburban upper middle-class family struggling to maintain that position once the dad loses his job and can no longer afford the MASSIVE house and privileged lifestyle to which they are accustomed. So while Mom and Dad gossip with the neighbors and bicker about shutting off the cable, their two sons tell scary stories to each other over walkie talkies and just generally exemplify a healthy sibling relationship in the face of their parents being kind of garbage.


It starts with things being moved around in the house and photos going missing, and the youngest son starts talking about something coming into his room, telling him secrets, and being creepy, as these things do. But as soon as Dad finally sucks it up and invests in home security, the problems with the youngest son escalate to mysterious behavioral issues and memory loss. Mom mentions maybe taking the kid to therapy because he is CLEARLY not well, but Dad loses his entire mind because THERAPY IS SOOOOO EMBARRASSING AND WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS SAY AND ALSO WE CAN’T AFFORD IT AND ALSO THERAPY IS EMBARRASSING AND BAD AND EMBARRASSIIIIIIIIIIING did I mention these parents are objectively bad parents. It’s not until similar things start to happen with the older son as well that the parents agree to GO SEE A DOCTOR, but by that point shit is well and truly fucked.

More weird shit goes down and Mom starts googling to discover that a lot of the recent events can be explained by one thing and one thing only:

And then the rest of the movie happens.

Okay so I am doing a very bad and lazy job of describing this movie because this election week has ruined my ability to think good and do words, and also because I don’t actually want to include spoilers of all the good parts because I do want people to see this one. So while the premise of “weird things happen to family and it’s aliens” sounds pretty basic, you’ll just have to trust me when I say it’s better than that. It’s successfully spooky and the scares still get me even on the third viewing, and the cast is very good at pulling it all off. (And JK Simmons shows up as the expert on aliens because of course he does.) At the end of the day I’m not entirely sure why I love this movie so much, but I really do. It’s well-executed, tells a good story, and the climax at the end just sticks in my head for some reason. Because of how good it is? Or whatever.

Boy what a great review I have written.

I don’t have the energy or brains to tell you why but…FIVE HORRORS BECAUSE I JUST LIKE IT.


Dark Skies

Dark Light

This one’s in English! Finally, a movie I can watch while scrolling through garbage on my phone. My favorite.

Dark Light is a 2019 sci-fi horror movie, which is one of my favorite types of horror movie. I will vote for spooky aliens over vampires and werewolves any day. BUT WAIT ARE THERE SPOOKY ALIENS THOUGH? Because Dark Light is about a woman named Annie moving back to her childhood home with her young daughter after a “breakdown” related to a non-specific hereditary mental illness, which means that literally anything she has concerns about is invalidated. NEAT. It does not help that the only resource she can find to validate her claims of spooky activity is some kind of angelfire black-background-white-comic-sans-text bullshit run by a beardy nerd, which frankly makes me wish she had just put cameras around the house like every other horror family does.

Because the better evidence is that the house is in a CORNFIELD, which means that there MUST be spooky aliens because THAT IS THEIR JAM. Children of the Corn, Signs, A Quiet Place, as a horror fan I know that every corn field holds Eldritch horrors beyond imagination but this Sheriff keeps showing up and insisting that it’s “kids with flashlights” like some fucking noob who’s probably going to get her head ripped apart by spooky aliens later. OR WILL SHE she will. Also the Sheriff is a lady! Hurray equality! And all her rural white male employees respect and listen to her. Haha, this is truly science fiction.

Except ah shit wait there are indeed spooky aliens, and they have taken Annie’s daughter for….food? According to Angelfire McBeardo’s video, these are not actually aliens, but creatures indigenous to Earth who creep up out of cornfields to collect children, who have the tastiest life force of all the humans. So when Annie easily escapes from custody (which, yikes, this police force has some major issues to work out, PROBABLY CUZ THEY HAVE A WOMAN SHERIFF, AMIRITE) where does she go to save her daughter? That’s correct, she makes a beeline for Angelfire’s house, because if there’s anything I know, it’s that a bearded white dude on the internet whose opinions are not allowed on mainstream social media must know too much truth.

This goes very wrong like immediately, leaving Annie locked in McBeardo’s basement while aliens are out there snacking on her daughter’s delicious life force and Lady Sheriff is hunting around for THE WOMAN SHE BELIEVES IS A CHILD MURDERER who just kinda wandered out of the crashed transfer van and went on her merry way a few hours ago. Will Annie save her daughter from being an alien meal? Will McBeardo finally get MUFON to listen to him? Will Lady Sheriff get her escaped criminal back in custody or will she get aliened to death right in the head? WHO CAN SAY.

What I can say is that this movie is not necessarily good. There’s a lot that doesn’t make sense, for example, the fact that Annie started out by seeing small ghosty-type shenanigans in the house (opening doors, things moving, etc) and when we finally see the aliens they are eight foot tall living flashlights who couldn’t be sneaky if they tried. Or how Angelfire McBeardo listens to Annie’s story and the FIRST THING he does is drag her to his basement saying “NOW I HAVE PROOF HAHA” as if 1. a stranger coming to your house and saying she saw aliens is proof and 2. locking the only person who agrees with you in your basement will lend credibility to your argument. The police WILDLY ignore any sort of legal regulations and haha nevermind that’s pretty normal.

But the movie is kinda fun. The creatures are pretty great, and I just spent the whole film thinking “MAN I would love to play this video game.” It has all the best video game locations, police warehouse, river just outside of town with submerged vehicles, creepy house, corn, and both trying to convince people that the aliens are real and killing the shit out of piles of aliens would be SO. MUCH. FUN. If the Dark Light people are reading, please call the Last of Us team and get them to work on this, they’re not busy right now.

So I’m giving the movie……THREE HORRORS.

Video game would get 10/10 though.

also I would like a corn monster minigame please and thank you
Dark Light

Dark Forces

Hey, did you know that trying to do literally anything during a global pandemic is a real fuckin drag? Anyway, that’s what I’m blaming for my inability to keep up with this blog this time around. But I’m not letting myself off the hook until I’ve watched and reviewed 31 terrible Netflix horror movies, so if it takes me until Christmas to get through this Halloween season so be it. This whole year is garbage so I’m going to make the spooky times last. I’m basically doing you a favor by not using it all up all at once. You’re welcome.

ANYWAY speaking of terrible Netflix horror, boy howdy do I have a treat for you! Dark Forces is a Mexican horror movie from THIS YEAR done in an 80s-inspired noir style, kind of like if cyberpunk were neither cyber nor punk but also sometimes the women wear victory rolls. Our hero is a mustachioed man named Franco who has come to sex around a weird hotel until he finds his missing sister. Everything in this film is sloooooow and seeexxxxy, provided you are attracted to mustaches and excessive fog machine action with jewel-toned lighting for *atmosphere*. He meets several Sexy Brunettes on his adventure, including Sexy Front Desk Lady, Sexy Lady in the Room Next Door, and Sexy Lady Who Sings Down the Hall. All of these women look the same to me and I have only the vaguest understanding of which one actually ended up being important. I think it was Sexy Next Door.

In which case, it is definitely Sexy Next Door who, after Mustache saves her from her mean boyfriend, decides she wants to 1. slowly rub her bloody lip all over Mustache’s mustache in a slooooow and seeexxxxy way and 2. help him do crimes to find his sister. Why are crimes necessary to find his sister you might ask? Because that is what the wizard at the end of the hallway said to do and he knows because he wrote a wizard book called Dark Forces. (Ps, it’s actually Fuego Negro which means Black Fire which is a way cooler name? And also would have meant I wouldn’t have had to watch this very bad movie right now.) And I’m calling him Wizard because he has a terrible Spirit Halloween bald cap/long white hair wig and owns candles and shit even though there is so little context in this film I have no idea who he actually is or why he’s there. Mustache takes his advice with absolutely zero questions asked and goes a’crimin with his new sexy girlfriend.

And Sexy Girlfriend just gets SO TURNED ON BY DOING CRIMES Y’ALL. She gets all excited and we are treated to a bunch of seeeexxxxxxy sex scenes while Mustache has a bunch of ‘Nam flashbacks that make him wonder if this woman is actually on his side, but that will absolutely not stop him from having two more sex scenes with her before this movie is over.

But wait, there’s ALSO an Albino Lady on the roof who is ~*mysterious*~ and knows things and if you pay her mother $2,000 she can tell you the things she knows, like where your missing sister is! So….let’s do that I guess, since it’s so convenient. And then go hunt around a crime syndicate looking for Mustache’s old boss. And…have sex dreams about Wizard? I do not understand this movie even a little bit.

The point is that there is a demon thing inside Wizard shaped exactly like a double-ended dildo that you vomit out of your mouth directly into someone else’s to capture their soul or whatever. Anyway. That’s where I’m done reviewing this movie.

I’m torn about what to give it but…..THREE HORRORS because it’s so bad it barely deserves 2 but I had the right combination of wine and edibles that gave me the enjoyment of a 4. You can absolutely MST3K your way through this thing and have a grand time but jesus christ is it bad. Results may vary, view at your own risk.

10/10 for the mustache though
Dark Forces

Danur: I Can See Ghosts

Why yes, Netflix did add that clumsy subtitle all by themselves, grape job guys.

So now we’re in Indonesia! And it’s absolutely crawling with ghosts. This film clocks in at a BRISK hour and fourteen minutes and goddamn was that a breath of fresh air. Based on a novel, Danur tells the story of a little girl named Risa (not the Star Trek sex planet) whose parents are always out of the house working and, with no siblings to play with, this kid is desperately lonely until she meets three ghost children. They all become fast friends and she is finally happy until her mother brings in a ghost expert of some sort who forces Risa to view her ghost friends as the corpses that they are and prevents her from being able to see them at all in the future.

But when Risa is grown and taking care of her grandmother, her little sister becomes friends with a Very Bad Ghost and Risa needs to call on her childhood ghost buddies to help out. And I FUCKING LOVE GHOST BUDDIES. (Which would have been a better subtitle, NETFLIX.)

Now, I love this plot a lot, but there are some, uh, weird wrinkles in the actual movie that made this whole thing less than spectacular. Like when Risa can’t control her grandmother while she is busy with ghost stuff so she HOG TIES HER GRANDMOTHER WITH HER OWN SCARF and then we never speak of that again. Or when her mother is trying to bury a demonic comb to stop the Bad Ghost and she immediately trips on a root and we watch her dramatically crawl to her preferred hole-digging spot for like…actual minutes of time. And then she is bad at digging a small hole so once she gets the comb covered by a small amount of dirt she just SLAMS THAT THING WITH A ROCK over and over and over again while the music indicates that this is a *very dramatic moment* and I am left wondering how this woman managed to raise two children. This whole sequence is spliced between poorly-filmed shots of Risa flailing around in a bathtub under red lights which does not help anything whatsoever.

Unfortunately all that happens at the dramatic conclusion of the Very Bad Ghost shenanigans, which really undercuts….everything. This movie mostly makes me curious about reading the book, because the actual story is pretty great. The movie itself, however, was…..


The execution was just kinda below average and hokey and, while I did enjoy parts, overall it just lacked in production quality and suffered from a few bad choices.

But if anyone’s got an English copy of Danur by Risa Saraswati, hit me up.

Or uh if anyone wants to translate one for me. Who speaks Indonesian?

Danur: I Can See Ghosts

Dabbe: The Possession

So apparently the Dabbe series is just a bunch of near-identical but unrelated movies about woman after woman getting possessed by a djinn and then after about two hours it turns out oh no the people we thought were good were actually on the side of the demons end of movie.

I have nothing else to say, except that if you feel you have to watch one of these, Possession is probably the clearest, plot-wise, and also clocks in at a mere two hours and thirteen minutes. (UGHHH.) So watch this one. Again, it is actually not bad except for the fact that I have now watched the same movie three times and all I got out of it was this screenshot:

Which is actually kinda worth it, ngl.


It is.

Dabbe: The Possession

Dabbe 6

Alright so I took two days off because I was doing an online convention and also because Chucky fucking exhausted me. BUT NOW I’M BACK and so is Dabbe 6, which was TWO HOURS AND THIRTY-THREE MINUTES LONG.



I actually liked this movie, for the first hour and a half, but eventually it just turned into me checking the time every ten minutes and wondering why they couldn’t have JUST CUT THIS SCENE WE DON’T NEED THIS I JUST WANT SOME DEMON MURDERS CAN WE PLEASE GET THIS DONE THANKS. If I have any readers from Turkey, is this just how movies are for you guys??? Are they all over two hours long??? Do you just have a better attention span than my dumb American brain can handle??? Or is this entire series just kinda indulgent and slow and adds irrelevant twists and turns for no reason?

I’m also learning the patterns for the Dabbe series specifically. For example, the husband is always having an affair. It’s always the lady in the family that gets possessed. Everyone in the house has lots of demonic nightmares that look really cool but also we have about four times as many nightmares as is necessary. A specialist is called in around the halfway point. The specialist will come with cameras and the movie will become found footage from that point on, to varying degrees of success. Demon fucks around for a while and in the last 20 minutes we have a twist that invalidates the entire rest of the movie. Dabbe, ladies and gentlemen.

The actors were all great. The basic plot was good. The effects were cool and creepy and dreamlike and the scares are good. But jesus gang, two and a half hours to tell the SIXTH story in the series??? I could have literally watched two Chucky movies in that time and them shits don’t waste ANY TIME getting to my precious murders. Hire an editor, please.


Hoo boy, can’t wait for ANOTHER DABBE MOVIE NEXT.

two and a half hours and they didn’t dab ONCE
Dabbe 6

Dabbe 5: Curse of the Djinn

So I should explain a little of my process before getting into this one. I started watching these movies in alphabetical order a couple years before I actually started the blog. And, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but every once in a while I take a wee break from writing here, so my list of movies was several years out of date from what was actually on Netflix at the time of writing. Also during this time Netflix lost like 80% of their horror content, probably to competing streaming services (I’m looking at you, SHUDDER) (because you have more and better content than Netflix, thank you Shudder). It’s ridiculous. When I was viewing films, I had a list of 28 horror movies on Netflix beginning with C. Now there are SIX.

So I considered going back to my ye olde lists for the D section as well, but it’s been forever since I’ve seen any of those movies and also they are no longer accessible for anyone who might actually want to see them (for the one in fifteen movies I actually recommend). So, for the first time ever, I am going straight from movie to review, watching only what Netflix has available right now. Which means I will probably plow through these letters a little quicker. Or take another extended break, who knows!

Anyway, this is why I am watching Dabbe 5: Curse of the Djinn, because after watching the entire Chucky franchise out of sequence, there’s nothing like jumping into the middle of a Turkish horror series absolutely cold.

And frankly I have very little to say about it because it was fine but not great. As the 5th in the series, I’m assuming there’s a lot I didn’t pick up on because I have absolutely zero idea what this series is supposed to be about and I refuse to look it up, so as far as I could tell it was a pretty generic haunting film. I’ve seen about a hundred of these, and, really, the context barely matters because every combination of family/house/entity/cameras is pretty much the same with slightly different flavors.

I will say, this one had some fun nightmare sequences and special effects, it was definitely interesting to watch. But also, it was TWO HOURS AND TWELVE MINUTES LONG. Hey, Dabbe 5? NO. Now if you’re Midsommer or the VVitch or whatever, sure, you can have two hours of my time. You put a lot of thought into a deeply affecting movie and it’s worth spending a lot of time with. Fucking Dabbe 5??? Who do you think you are??? You could literally start this movie an hour in and still get everything you needed out of it. I almost fell asleep several times and I can’t even remember how the thing ended even though I watched it *less than 24 hours ago*.

But I’m going to be a little generous because for all I know it could be great if you know the whole story, because it was well-done. Just….jesus christ. I can count on my fingers the number of horror movies that deserve to be longer than 90 minutes, Dabbe 5 does not make the cut.

So I give it……THREE HORRORS.

Also now I do kinda have to try to remember how that thing ended because oops, HERE COMES DABBE 6

the dabbening

Dabbe 5: Curse of the Djinn

Seed of Chucky



Here I was all “oh, Jennifer Tilly will probably be back in this one, that’ll be nice” and THEN SEED OF CHUCKY HAPPENED.

I am not doing a synopsis of this movie because IT IS NOT POSSIBLE so instead I’m just going to list a few of the things that happen here in no particular order because I CANNOT THINK ABOUT THIS MOVIE FOR A SINGLE SECOND LONGER THAN I HAVE TO. So please enjoy this list of actual horrors so that I may delete this entire thing from my memory banks:

  • John Fucking Waters is in this movie.
  • Jennifer Tilly is also in this movie, as both the Tiffany doll and as HERSELF, REAL JENNIFER TILLY. She gets roasted so hard and is absolutely brilliant about it. I would happily rewatch this movie with only her scenes in it. I mean sort of. No I wouldn’t.
  • Redman is in this movie, also as himself, and he’s directing a movie called “The Virgin Mary.” You know, like Def Jam rapper Redman would do. He is also brilliant and is mostly in scenes with Jennifer Tilly, making those scenes a sweet safe haven for my ruined mind meats.
  • The voodoo puppet child of Tiffany and Chucky from the end of Bride is in this one and THE DOLL IS ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING TO LOOK AT. I HATE IT SO MUCH.
  • The child is named Glen and prefers he/him pronouns but is canonically nonbinary? In a way that alternates between positive representation and VERY BAD REPRESENTATION. I’m not even touching this topic.
  • We have to watch Chucky masturbate into a cup. For like A LONG TIME.
  • We have to see an ENTIRE CUP of puppet jizz.
  • That cup of puppet jizz is sucked into a turkey baster and used to ARTIFICIALLY INSEMINATE ACTUAL JENNIFER TILLY.
  • Tiffany and Chucky attempt to quit murdering using the methods of Alcoholics Anonymous. It does not work.
  • Glen is still just awful, this whole time. It DOES NOT STOP.
  • Chucky kills Britney Spears by running her off the road in Redman’s stolen car. They could not get actual Britney Spears for this, for some reason. She must have been busy.
  • Actual Jennifer Tilly becomes pregnant overnight and gives birth to fraternal twins MADE FROM CHUCKY SPERM. The Tiffany doll acts as midwife.
  • Chucky decides he actually likes being a doll because dolls are immortal. That’s the exact opposite of what we’ve been told this whole series but okay.
  • Tiffany takes over Jennifer Tilly’s body because she loves her so much. I like this.
  • Jennifer Tilly’s two horrible red-headed murder children grow up and are never ever seen or heard from ever again. Including Glen, thank christ.



Seed of Chucky