100 Bloody Acres

Before I get into 100 Bloody Acres, I should present a caveat to this project.

I should have just started this blog forever ago, except blogging felt like Doing A Thing and at the time I preferred Not Doing A Thing, so now I’m having to go back and remember what movies I watched many months in the past. I am now deep into the D [obvious joke] section, and over time a lot of the movies I’m only reviewing now are gone from Netflix, meaning I may forget to review some of them entirely. Sorry. Comfort yourselves in the knowledge that anything I have forgotten would have probably not been worth reading about anyway.

100 BLOODY ACRES!

This was the first movie in my alphabet and I sat down and turned it on, ready to start my journey into all the horror on Netflix, and….it’s a goddamn comedy.

I don’t necessarily dislike comedy horror films – in fact, I rather enjoyed this one. It’s just not what I expect when I embark on an endless horror binge. It’s not the point of this project (note that I have implied that this has some sort of purpose beyond just staring at shitty depictions of ghosts and murderers for HUNDREDS OF HOURS), and I don’t really think they belong in the horror category.

But like I said, 100 Bloody Acres was actually fun to watch. Two brothers run a small and highly successful fertilizer company, producing fertilizer that works suspiciously well due to a secret ingredient.

GUESS WHAT.

THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS PEOPLE.

And this film is made in Australia, which means it’s entirely possible Netflix accidentally filed a documentary in the wrong category. One of the brothers is a JERK and the other brother is NOT A JERK, though he’s still harvesting victims of hit and run fatalities to grind them up into people paste to be spread out over the dingo farms of the outback in the hopes of a prosperous dingo harvest. (Note: I have never been to Australia.) But then a group of attractive 20-somethings happen to witness their corpse scrounging and are kidnapped to prevent word from getting out. Jerk Brother wants to take advantage of the collection of walking compost they discovered and slaughter them all in an effort to meet their increasing demand. (Again, the hot commodity at hand is FERTILIZER. Australia makes me sad.) Not A Jerk Brother is bullied and threatened by his sibling, but he doesn’t like the idea of actively murdering people, plus he has a crush on one of the pretty ladies they picked up and he doesn’t know what to dooooooo!

I won’t spoil this one for you since it’s actually worth watching, but there’s some decent acting and writing and severed body parts and whatnot, and it was a real eye-opener about the state of things in rural Australia where the dingo harvest can be so easily threatened by a particularly cute group of college-aged tourists. (Australia is the one next to the one where Lord of the Rings happened, I think.)

I give this film….THREE HORRORS.

The scale goes from one Horror to five Horrors, one being the worst, five being the best. You’re starting out with three. This will be the highest rating you guys get for a while, so enjoy it. The next film is 100 Ghost Street: Return of Richard Speck, so….you know. Keep your expectations low.

Dingo_Australia_Zoo_QLD

Awww. This one looks wilted. It needs watering. 

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100 Bloody Acres

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