8213: Gacy House

Before I write the synopsis of this film, I just want you to guess how it goes.

If you guessed something interesting or worth watching, you’re wrong.

If you guessed “found footage of ghost hunters killed by generic ghost that is a famous serial killer,” you win! Your prize is vague disappointment.

8213: Gacy House is a film by The Asylum because of course it is and it’s about a team of paranormal investigators who go to John Wayne Gacy’s house to hunt down his ghost because of course they do. And then they all act all shitty and boring for two hours until they’re killed one by one because of course they are. And the only thing that even remotely ties this utterly bland found footage ghost hunter movie to John Wayne Gacy is to show the shadow of a fat ghost at the end because WHY DID THEY THINK THAT WOULD BE THE SCARIEST THING ABOUT JOHN WAYNE GACY.

This is a guy who killed 33 young boys and dumped them all in his crawlspace until THE CRAWLSPACE WAS TOO PACKED WITH CORPSES TO SHOVE ANOTHER CORPSE IN IT. This is a guy who dressed up as a clown and painted self-portraits of himself dressed as a clown while he was in prison FOR THE MURDER OF 33 KIDS. AS A CLOWN. A MURDER CLOWN.

But instead of showing bizarrely charming clown corpsepocalypse Gacy, they show you the shadow of a ghost who would probably give up chasing you if you walked away from him because he’d be too encumbered by ghost moobs to follow you. If I’d encountered a ghost who looks like he died of complications from friedchickenitis, I’d probably just flick butter at him until he started to associate me with delicious treats. And then I’d have a pet ghost. And I’d name him Tiny, which would be funny because he’d actually be quite large in reality. And I could feed him KFC double downs and butter-flavored popcorn topping because he would be too dead to worry about a diet. And we would go on adventures, me and my wacky obese ghost. It would be GREAT.

I’m just saying 8213: Gacy House could have been a great kids movie.

I give this…..ONE HORROR.

Pictured: me and the ghost of John Wayne Gacy
Pictured: me and the ghost of John Wayne Gacy
8213: Gacy House

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