OKAY, LAST HORROR MOVIE OF THE LETTER A EXCEPT ACTUALLY THIS TIME.
And to prevent this from happening in the future, I have compiled an alphabetized list of all the B movies I have watched for this project so that I WILL NOT FORGET OR SKIP THEM.
THE AWFUL DR. ORLOFF.
Is a Spanish horror film from way way back in 1962, which you may recognise as one of the many un-fun times to be in Spain. It is also considered to be the very first horror movie to come out of Spain, which may explain why it’s terrible.
First of all, the director, Jesus Franco (not that Franco), was concerned that it would be blocked by Spanish censors, considering it had things like BLOOD and BOOBS, so he had to censor all the cool shit out into a non-directors cut version before it even got to them, releasing the bloody booby version separately. He was also pressured not to hurt Spain’s reputation by producing something so violent, so he….kept the violence and set it in France.
What resulted was the aptly named Awful Dr. Orloff, originally premiering in Spain as Gritos en la Noche, then L’horrible Dr. Orlof in France, then the Demon Doctor in the UK, before it came to the US on a double bill with the Horrible Dr. Hitchcock, because if you can’t make a good movie, you can at least make a half dozen titles for it so no one will know.
The Awful Dr. Orloff is about a mad scientist who forcibly procures skin grafts for his disfigured daughter by murdering a shitload of sexy ladies, with the help of his creepy blind henchman. There is, of course, a bumbling detective who gives the case a good college try until his fiance has to step in and pose as a cabaret dancer (“has to”) in order to figure out just which of Paris’ mad scientists keeps kidnapping and disassembling busty young women across the city. Unfortunately the fiance looks exactly like Dr. Orloff’s daughter, so the temptation to rip her face right off is greater than ever! Will the detective catch his man??? Will his fiance have a face??? Will the daughter have a face??? WILL DR. ORLOFF BE AWFUL???
The answer to that last one is very yes. But it’s not just awful. It’s amazingly awful. The director himself admits to having written the story line in “about a minute” and what it lacks in plot, it definitely makes up for in titties. Surgery on a naked lady? We’re lookin at her titties. Clothed lady tries to escape? Her top falls off so we can see her titties. Person has titties? We will see those titties fo sho. It’s classic pulpy, comic booky, grotesque horror, dubbed hilariously badly into English and sprinkled with an abundance of titties. TITTIES. So while I would hesitate to call it “good,” I would drunkenly call it “great.”
This film gets the very best…….ONE HORROR.
And next time I fucking promise I will tell you about a movie starting with a different letter.