Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice

Please note, this is not even a little bit the final sacrifice, we have six more films to go through after this one and they just came out with a new one this fucking year, gird your loins, gang.

So just in case you disagreed with my previous post and thought, “no, Tess, kids are great and I love them and I am definitely an adult and not two children in a trench coat” Children of the Corn II is here to prove me right (in case, like, reality didn’t, but whatever) because Children of the Corn II explores the fate of the town that generously ADOPTS THE FUCKING PSYCHOPATH CHILDREN FROM THE PREVIOUS FILM.

SPOILER ALERT: THEY START A’KILLIN

Of course the surviving kids go right the fuck back to the cornfield where one of them is possessed by our old demonic friend from the first film, He Who Walks Behind the Rows, and goes on to lead the rest of the worst cult ever to go kill all the adults in New Cornington, which is what I assume the new town is called and I’m not looking it up.

Except that TWIST it’s not just that a weird demon is controlling a cult of children, the mind control is coming from the corn itself. In the capitalist nightmare that is this town, the sheriff is selling last year’s spoiled corn despite the fact that it is COVERED IN GREEN TOXIC ACID, which is what happens to demon corn when it goes bad. And while “selling old corn” might not sound like the most badass of get rich quick schemes, this one results in a pretty impressive death toll, as the Corn Acid (my favorite post-punk band) compels the children to commit a series of increasingly rad murders.

What I enjoy about this franchise is that so rarely in other movies do we get to see an intrepid group of plucky adults fighting children to the death, and that’s really all this film is. We get people smooshed under cars, stabbed via voodoo dolls (I guess when you make up your own Corn Religion you get to play with whatever wack shit you want) (also yes, I did just have to google if it’s “whack” or “wack” because I am a decade too old to be using that word) and, naturally, a death by harvester, which is what we’ve all been waiting for since the first film. It’s not bad, as far as sequels to wildly successful horror movies go, but we will see better as The Cornening continues.

Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice gets…….THREE HORRORS.

Phew. Two down. Six to go.

Can you overdose on corn?

Screen Shot 2018-10-05 at 10.05.15 PM
Oh, shit.
Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice

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