Well, common Google searches, let me tell you! Remember the 1985 movie Day of the Dead by George Romero? That was good movie, wasn’t it. A classic. And you know what we like to do to classics – ruin them with repeated remakes!
Which I guess is technically what Day of the Dead: Bloodline is, despite what the presence of a subtitle implies, and despite the fact that the only character present in both films is (sort of) Miguel Salazar, (unless you count Lady Scientist as a specific character, which I kinda suspect they do). And also despite the fact that the entire plot has virtually nothing in common with the original movie apart from the general setting of “military base.” Tldr, go watch a Romero movie and then don’t watch this. I don’t even want to write about it, but I do very much enjoy a good Complain, so.
I shall now list all the things I hate about this movie.
The first thing I hate about this movie is that Lady Scientist already has her bra showing in the very first scene. Calm your literal tiddies, Bloodline. You haven’t earned the right to throw bras around yet.
The second thing I hate about this movie is that they absolutely had to have Lady Scientist be sexually assaulted by a patient. The patient himself becomes important later on (assuming you give a single shit about what is happening in this movie, which is a pretty thin assumption) but there is exactly zero reason to have this dude try to rape her in a morgue. I am tired, Horror Movies. I would love for you to try harder than to use rape as a shorthand for “this is guy sucks.” This becomes even grosser when the rapey dude becomes the only zombo with some human awareness and function meaning that his would-be victim then has to *advocate for his safety* (in order to use him to do science, but still) and *convince her boyfriend that she doesn’t actually like this rapey bastard who is also a zombie*. Y’ALL. NO ONE WANTS THIS. A better way to accomplish what I assume they were going for would be to have the patient just be a regular boy, which would make his violent turn to zombodom and the relationship between him and Lady Scientist interesting instead of traumatic for the sake of trauma. You know, like…in Day of the Dead. Or do this I guess, I don’t care anymore, I am already tired of this movie.
The third thing I hate about this movie is that we’re not just calling them zombies, we have to call them “rotters.” Guys. You have set the movie in this universe. The concept of zombies already exists. We call basically anyone slow or distracted or dumb a zombie already. Just call them zombies and save the creativity for, I dunno, the plot maybe? I fucking hate this, I don’t even like zombie movies, this hour and a half felt so long.
The fourth thing I hate about this movie is that all establishing or development of characters is rushed to get to the action, which is also rushed. Like….what is the point of this whole thing if it isn’t the story OR the gory zombie fights? We’re just running headlong through a bunch of bullshit to get to the end of the bullshit. Which I do sort of appreciate, because I would very much like to get to the end of the bullshit. But even better would be to not have bullshit in the first place.
The fifth thing I hate about this movie is that only one guy has important blood, which does not a bloodline make. Should have been called Day of the Dead: One Guy’s Special Blood.
The sixth thing I hate about this movie is that it’s on Netflix and actual Day of the Dead isn’t.
I give this mess…….TWO HORRORS BECAUSE IT IS BAD BUT NOT FUN BAD JUST REGULAR BAD.
I am done, just go watch Train to Busan again, we officially don’t need any more zombie movies.