13B

This is where this project gets real fun.

13B is our first FOREIGN horror film, and by foreign I mean INDIAN and by Indian I mean BOLLYWOOD and by Bollywood I mean THERE ARE SONGS IN THIS ONE AND IT IS GREAT.

Now it’s not reeeeally Bollywood and there are only two songs, but this is by far the most entertaining one so far. 13B refers to the swanky new apartment where Manohar, who has just been promoted at his job, is moving himself and his extended family to live. But because he moved to the 13th floor, like an IDIOT, it’s full of supernatural happenings that only he seems to think are a big deal because his wife, sister, mother, and aunt are too glued to their favorite soap opera to give a shit. Women. AMIRITE.

He also made the mistake of living in a country that uses the 24 hour clock, because shit gets real weird at 13:00 every day, which is why every country should be America and do things the goddamn right way. At 13:00 every day (that’s 1pm for those of you who value FREEDOM) the tv mysteriously stops playing every other scheduled show and all channels start playing a dramatization of events that are eerily similar to what Manohar is experiencing in real life.  And, predictably, the ladies are too dumb to see this and they fucking LOVE this new soap opera because tiny lady brains are so cute and adorable it’s a wonder they can handle all the cooking and cleaning Manohar leaves them to do while he is off at his important Man Job where he does Man Things. (I think he’s an architect. Or an engineer. Or a business man. He wears a suit, that’s what counts.)

Eventually the new 13:00 show starts predicting shitty things that start happening shortly after the program airs and a variety of bad and weird things happen and then the whole plot goes fascinatingly off the rails from supernatural to axe murderer and it’s GREAT. AND THERE’S A SONG DURING THE CREDITS. I don’t even want to really spoil this one for you because it’s actually worth watching, particularly with drinks and friends, which is why I can get away with being vague and lazy towards the end of this post. But truly, while it’s not a stellar film, it’s genuinely fun and the sheer novelty of a Bollywood horror thriller is hugely worthwhile.

I give this film…..THREE AND A HALF HORRORS.

Maybe even 3.75. I’m not entirely clear on what denominations Horrors come in. But definitely savor this one, because the next one is 8213: Gacy House and you’re going to need the sweet sweet memory of a nearly 4 Horror movie to make it. Maybe someday we’ll even get to a legitimate 4 Horror movie….or…..A FOURROR.

😀

You have to pronounce that carefully, though.